this isn’t an iphone 5 review! jeez, what are you on mushrooms!?! this is a story about two young folks on a magical journey on a rugged island. two young folks on an otherworldly hike across the daisetsuzan range running thru the center of hokkaido. here’s adventure. here’s romance. here’s where two hearts intertwined themselves in the bonds of love. star-crossed lovers. all that shit.
we were light. light and fast. i’m not gonna go thru what i carry in my pack but let’s just say i’m a bare bones type of guy. ok, i’ll go thru it. gotta keep the readers happy! thanks for asking!! so, reactor stove, reflex tent, thermarest neo, marmot atom sleeping bag, down jacket, headlamp, rainwear, knife. you know i don’t wear underwear or socks and i don’t practice the dark art of personal hygiene so i can keep it pretty damn simple out there. all that stuff weighs about zero kilos and fits into a 20L pack so i’m laughing all the way. some japanese they carry 80L packs stuffed to the gills wtih shit hanging off the side and bear bells, doohickeys, and whatnots, and i gotta wonder what’s in there. but. then. i found out. old hiroshi broke out an electric razor at a hut the other day, i shit you not. electric friggin’ razor. people chopping up onions out there too. who hikes with onions and cutting boards? i haven’t seen anyone hiking with watermelons yet but when i see it i’ll be sure to let you know. it’s going on somewhere in the backcountry here. it must be.
but i digress. this is a story about romance. and there is nothing which brings on good old fashion romance like a healthy dose of starvation. here’s how it went. i suppose you’d like to reenact at home so i’ve written it as a screenplay (you’ll need two friends and some pre-recorded theater music to do this properly):
Act I. Packing in Tokyo.
S: “hey, i’m packing the food, would you prefer lamb or chicken?”
Pinky: “lamb please”
S: “is one enough?”
Narrator: “what Pinky hasn’t realized is that young Sayaka meant, ’is one enough [for both of us]?’” suspenseful music plays.
Act II. Mid day on day 1 of the really long romantic hike.
Pinky: “Man, i sure am looking forward to that freeze-dried lamb. What are you eating, the chicken tikka masala?”
S: “What do you mean, I’m having lamb too. the chicken tikka masala is for tomorrow.”
Pinky: “We have two lambs?”
S: “We’re sharing the lamb.”
Pinky: “Holy shit! are we sharing the chicken tikka masala too? what about breakfast? are we sharing 1 bag for breakfast?”
Narrator: “Pinky is no stranger to the rigors of freeze dried eatin’. He knows that one bag is barely enough for one person just sitting on the couch watchin’ monster trucks go head-to-head muchless for two star-crossed lovers on a 3-day romantic hike across the 60 kilometer chain of mountains that says minimum 5-days in the guidebook. He quickly does the math: 1/2 freeze dried eggs (150cal), oatmeal (100cal), clif bar (250cal), lara bar (100cal), 2 gu’s (200 cal), 1/2 freeze dried lamb (250cal). 1050 cal/day.”
So that’s when i murdered her.
Kidding!! i wouldn’t do that. it was just a misunderstanding! whimsical music plays.
sayaka (edible) and tokachi dake (inedible)
sayaka (increasingly edible) and some clouds (tasty lookin' but unsatiating and zero nutritional value)
hey, what's for lunch? Air! with a side of air!
trail mix is tasty. trails, themselves, are inedible.
grizzly bears are edible. but hard to take down with a leatherman - the pliers are pretty totally useless.
i thought it was a toberlone chocolate but i figure it's yotei.
is that rocky road ice cream. nope!! can't eat it.
woefully thin. skin and bones really.
crowds = foooooooood!!!
asahidake. good for skiing on.
best photo of the whole trip at the friggin airport. go figure.
thanks fer readin.